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Moving is definitely a stressor in life, let alone moving long-distance or across the country. Imagine this for a second: You’re standing in your soon-to-be-former living room, you are encircled by half taped cardboard boxes, half filled up and the other half are empty, packing tape rolls are in every corner of the living room, wondering if you’ve completely lost your mind for deciding to move across the country. If this feels too familiar, take a deep breath, hang on for a second – you’re not alone, and you’re definitely not crazy, you’re just living your life.
Long-distance moving is more than just a physical journey itself; it’s an emotional rollercoaster that can rival any theme park ride. It can make you question yourself, make you have negative thoughts and make you feel a flood of emotions leaving you wondering when is it ever going to end. The excitement of new beginnings, new adventures, new schools, new friends, new job and the anxiety of the unknown, may even a little uncertainty of how life will plan out because up to this point, life has been predictable right? This process can take a toll on your mental health, your physical wellbeing. This guide is here to help you keep going through the process of long-distance relocation while keeping your sanity intact.
Why It’s More Than Just a Move
Before we dive into the emotional stages, let’s talk about what makes long-distance moves uniquely challenging. It’s not just about packing up and driving up the street or a few neighborhoods away – long-distance moves come with their own set of hurdles that can significantly impact your mental health.
- The logistics nightmare: Coordinating with long-distance moving companies and navigating interstate shipping regulations, and timing your departure and arrival can create a perfect storm of stress overload, by using platforms such as FindAMover to book long-distance moving companies, it can help lower the stress.
- The financial strain: Higher moving costs and hidden expenses, potential loss of income from taking time off, the time and expenses related to selling a home or breaking a lease can add a further of stress that impacts your overall mental well-being.
- The cultural shift: Moving to another city and adapting to new regional customs, accents, or even lifestyle changes (like moving from a rural area to a big city) can leave you feeling like a fish out of water, making you wonder where is your sense of belonging and self-identity.
- The physical distance from support systems: Leaving behind family, friends, and trusted service providers can lead to feelings of isolation and vulnerability, especially in times of stress or crisis.
- The career upheaval: Starting a new job, building a new professional network, or changing career paths entirely can impact your self-esteem and sense of competence.
- The environmental adjustment: Dramatic changes in climate, city layout, or population density can make you feel disoriented and out of place, affecting your daily routines and overall comfort level.
- The time zone: If your move crosses time zones, you’re in for an extra challenge in adjusting your sleep schedule and coordinating with those back home.
- The time stressor: Now, imagine with all the above going on, you add the need to manage the above and move within a certain timeframe. It gets challenging.
Now that we’ve laid out these long-distance-specific challenges, let’s look at how they feed into the emotional stages of moving and what you can do to cope.
The Emotional Stages of Long-Distance Moving
The Honeymoon Phase: Excitement and Anticipation
Remember when you first decided to move? The world was your oyster, full of possibilities. You most likely spent hours scrolling through photos of your new city, checking every Instagram and YouTube feed dreaming of all the adventures you’d have. This stage is like the first day of vacation – everything is exciting and it’s the good times, there’s joy in the air, everything is going to be different and new and you’re ready to take on the world. Ride this wave of enthusiasm! Use this energy to start your planning and research. But remember, like any honeymoon, this phase doesn’t last forever.
The Reality Check: Moving Stress and Overwhelm
As the moving date approaches, reality sets in and it dawns on you. You’re about to make some major changes to your life and your family’s lives. These could be:
Significant life transitions: Shifting to a new home, job, environment, and forming new social connections can lead to anxiety.
Monetary worries: The costs associated with moving frequently become a significant stress factor.
Parting with the familiar: Bidding farewell to friends, family, and well-known surroundings can be challenging.
Mountain of tasks: Suddenly, you’re drowning in to-do lists, packing boxes, and the realization that you own way too much stuff.
Coping Strategy: This is the time to stay grounded and calm and break tasks into smaller, manageable chunks. Instead of “pack the entire kitchen,” try “pack the utensil drawer.” Instead of “decluttering the house” aim to “declutter the study room today”. Small victories can help you feel more in control.
The Farewell Tour: Nostalgia and Sadness
As you start saying goodbye to friends, favorite places, and that coffee shop that knows your order by heart, a wave of nostalgia hits you. You might find yourself getting misty-eyed over the most random things.
Emotional Toolkit: Allow yourself to feel these emotions. It’s okay to be sad about what you’re leaving behind. Create a memory book or vlog to capture your favorite local spots and moments with friends or your own family that you could look back on.
The Limbo Land: Uncertainty and Anxiety
The period between leaving your old home and settling into your new one can feel like being stuck in a weird time warp. You’re living out of suitcases, possibly living with temporary furniture, and your entire life feels up in the air.
Grounding Technique: Establish a routine, even a temporary one. Whether it’s a morning jog or an evening call with a friend, having some structure can provide a sense of normalcy in the chaos.
The New Beginning: Adjustment and Growth
Congratulations! You’ve made it to your new home. But wait, why don’t you feel instantly at home? Why is finding the grocery store suddenly an Indiana Jones-level adventure?
Adaptation Approach: Be patient with yourself and allow yourself the time to process the way you feel as you settle in. Adjustment takes time. Explore your new area bit by bit, and celebrate small wins like successfully navigating public transport or finding a new favorite takeout spot.
Strategies for Maintaining Mental Health During Your Move
Acknowledge Your Feelings
The mental stress during the moving process can trigger a wide range of emotions, sometimes you feel them all at once. One minute you’re excited, the next you’re terrified, and then you’re suddenly angry and lashing out at the people around you ‘why am I the only one doing the heavy lifting?’ Simply, acknowledge your thoughts, this emotional whiplash is completely normal. But it’s important to maintain an optimistic outlook especially if you have younger children and embrace the thrilling prospects your new location offers.
Action Step: Start a moving journal. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you process them and track your emotional journey. Plus, it’ll make for some entertaining reading once you’re settled in your new place.
Stay Connected, But Don’t Cling
In the age of social media and video calls, staying in touch with loved ones is easier than ever. One tap and you can video chat with anyone halfway across the world and even in a different time zone. However, be mindful of the mistake of constantly checking in on what you’re missing back home, it can only hinder your adjustment to your new life.
Balancing Act: Schedule regular catch-up calls with friends and family, but also set aside time to explore your new environment and share with them what’s great.
Seek Professional Support
There’s no shame in asking for help, especially when you’re going through a major life change. A therapist or counselor can provide valuable tools for managing stress and anxiety.
Tip: Look into teletherapy options. This allows you to start sessions before you move and continue with the same therapist even after you’ve relocated.
Maintain Physical Health
It’s easy to let physical health slide when you’re in the midst of moving chaos. But remember, your mind and body are connected. Neglecting your physical health can impact your mental well-being.
Practice Self-Care:
- Keep healthy snacks easily accessible during the move. (No, pizza doesn’t count as a vegetable, no matter how much oregano is on it.)
- Stay hydrated. (Moving boxes is basically a workout, right?)
- Try to maintain a somewhat normal sleep schedule. (Easier said than done, we know.)
Create a Familiar Space
Once you move into your new home, do remember to unpack a “comfort zone.” This might be your bedroom or maybe a cozy nook in the living room. Surround yourself with things that make you and your family happy. Whether it’s your collection of succulents that somehow made it through the move or that quirky bobblehead your best friend gifted you, or really getting out that coffee expresso machine and making yourself a coffee brew. Familiar objects can really help your new place feel like home.
Embrace the Adventure
Yes, moving is stressful. But it’s also an incredible opportunity for personal growth and new experiences. Try to reframe challenges as adventures.
Mindset Shift: Can’t find the post office? Congrats, you’re now on a mission to find the closest one to your house! Accidentally took the wrong bus? Now you know where this bus goes!
Give Yourself Time
Adjusting to a new place doesn’t happen overnight. Know that it takes time, it’s a process that needs to take its course. Some people feel at home in a week, while it can take months for others know that it is different for everyone. Did you know? Relocation depression is definitely a thing, but as long as you stay focused on all the exact reasons you decided on moving in the first place, things will gradually get better and your mind will shift to positive thoughts. A positive attitude is your biggest strength in moving long-distance along with embracing every opportunity that comes your way. Use it and very soon you can call the new place home once again.
Patience Mantra: “This too shall pass.” Whether you’re feeling overwhelmed with the move or underwhelmed with your new surroundings, remember that these feelings are temporary.
Build a New Support Network
While maintaining old relationships is important, building new connections in your new location is crucial for long-term happiness.
Connection Boosters:
- Join local clubs or groups related to your interests.
- Strike up conversations with neighbors. (Pro tip: Complimenting their dog is always a good start.)
- Celebrate Your Milestones
Moving is full of small victories, and acknowledging them can boost your mood and motivation.
Celebration Ideas:
- Successfully built that IKEA furniture? Time for a dance party!
- Navigated to work without GPS? Treat yourself to your favorite coffee!
- Remembered your new address without checking your phone? You’re basically a local now!
The Light at the End of the Moving Truck
Remember, feeling out of sorts during a long-distance move is completely normal. It’s mentally draining because your entire life is changing, you’re moving from a place of predictability to uncertainty – it would be weird if you didn’t feel mental chaos. Be kind to yourself, reach out for support when you need it, and try to find humor in the amongst the long-distance logistical challenge.
Before you know it, you’ll be giving other people who are new to the city directions around your new city, recommending a favorite local eatery, and wondering ‘Was that how I was when I moved here?’. Because now it feels just like home.
So, as you embark on this journey, remember: home isn’t just a place, it’s a feeling. And with time, patience, and maybe a few wrong turns (both literally and figuratively), you’ll create that feeling wherever you go.